Out of the abyss

Things seem to be slotting into place at last. Not sure why, or what I am doing differently, but the strategies I’ve been trying appear to be finally working. So perhaps something has finally clicked into place in my stupid brain.

It’s happened before with many, many different things as I was growing up. I’ve always been a bit all or nothing with things. Including most key childhood milestones – I was stuck at a certain stage for a while and then suddenly proficient. So I suppose it shouldn’t really be a surprise if that’s what has happened here.

But I am surprised. I’ve gone from having one of my worst ever meltdowns to – the very next day – having to go into situations that I would normally find hard to deal with. Yet I have only had to retreat to a quiet place once in 3 days, and that wasn’t for very long.

One of the strategies that does seem to be working well is reflecting on the root causes of events and what – if anything – would have led to a different outcome. Then it’s a matter of either planning how to do things differently next time, or trying to accept that there is nothing that would have significantly changed the outcome. (The planning is far easier – I’m still not quite there on the acceptance bit!)

And, actually, Tuesday’s events pretty much fall into the ‘needing to accept’ category. I know what the trigger was. It wasn’t possible to avoid it. And it all happened too suddenly to try any of the mitigation strategies I’ve developed. So then we’re into damage limitation territory. And it’s very difficult to say whether an intervention would have made much of a difference in this case. May have saved me a headache and a few bruises, but that’s about it.

So I’m not sure what has gone wrong, or right, but I seem to have found a bit of hope from somewhere. I know I will have future meltdowns and shutdowns. But if they don’t happen very often, and if they are balanced out by the good days, I can see my way forward. Which I think is a positive change.

Now just need to see whether this all lasts…

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