This is definitely going to be a more positive post than my last few entries.
Mainly because I seem to have rediscovered my stubborn streak – I’m not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing, but it’s got me through the last couple of days relatively unscathed. So it’s probably not a bad time to reflect on a few more small victories.
1) Arranging some specialist support to help me develop more strategies to deal with the challenges of my condition
This actually feels like quite a big victory. Because not only is it asking for help (which I’m not particularly good at) but it’s asking for autism-specific help. And it’s still quite difficult for me to admit that I even have that particular condition, let alone accept that I need help with managing autism-specific challenges. Although in my head I’ve accepted that I have an autism spectrum disorder, even writing the words is hard for me.
2) Going to see the doctor before things get out of hand, rather than when my hand is forced
I absolutely hate anything to do with the medical profession (I’m sure they are all very nice people – I just don’t want to be around them in anything other than a purely social context!). Although this is no doubt partly to do with my sensory issues – just being in the waiting room can be challenging – it’s also that I’ve always been taught that you don’t bother a doctor unless absolutely necessary. I.e. if someone can live with the pain and discomfort, it’s better to do that than to seek medical attention.
So to break that conditioning and actually go and see a doctor before things turned into a complete crisis feels like a genuine victory to add to the list.
3) Getting through a couple of challenging telephone calls without having a meltdown afterwards
Pretty self-explanatory. And although I used some of my old ‘masking’ techniques for one of the calls, I actively chose to use those techniques. I used them because I felt they would be helpful in the situation rather because I was trying to hide my differences. (Perhaps that’s the real victory here.)
4) Getting back to writing music
It’s been a few years since I’ve been able to write more than pastiche / parody songs or depressing ballads. But now I’ve managed to write something I think’s pretty good (even if it doesn’t end up in the key I wanted it to be in). I just need some words to go with it.