Stop the world I want to get off

Warning: another dark post

The title of this post wasn’t a very good musical. Although it did have one good song:

But I digress.

I didn’t realise when I started this process that it would start something in motion. And I need everything to stop. I need to regroup. I need to figure out what is best for me.

But I’m not being given the chance to do that.

My exit plan didn’t work yesterday. And I can’t figure out how to make it work with my sensory issues.

So now I need to work out what to do next. I don’t have a plan B. I didn’t think I’d need one.

All the advice says to talk to a friend.

It doesn’t say what to do if you don’t have one.

I don’t want to be alone tonight. But – even if I could use the phone (which I can’t, other than in a few very limited circumstances) – there is no-one who would answer; no-one who would come.

That’s the worst part of how autism affects me. Many people with my condition may not mind that they can’t make real life social connections easily. I do. I need them. I need people. But I am branded; marked; isolated.

And the world won’t stop. And I am so tired.


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