In a bit of a reflective mood

The last few days have given me a lot of time to think. Perhaps too much time.

I haven’t yet come to a decision about a couple of things.

I still feel sad and lonely. I’m still more tearful than I should be.

I wish I wasn’t alone.

But it’s been peaceful. It’s given me the space I needed. And, despite some challenging circumstances, I’ve been managing the whole autism thing quite well. (Although I had a bit of a wobble today when people kept pushing in queues – other people not abiding by normal social rules is definitely a trigger for me.)

Which makes me wonder whether it’s not so much the condition that I find difficult, but the particular circumstances in which I find myself much of the time.

And I’m not sure what the answer to that is. Or whether there is an answer.

Here, I’m all right.

When I’m home again, I don’t know whether I will be.

But tonight, the light is amazing. And if I take nothing else with me, it will be the memory of the light to add to the pictures in my mind that I use when I’m trying to calm myself down.

And, although it’s very bad poetry, tonight I felt inspired to try and write for the first time in ages:

Evening, Port St Mary

I cannot tell where sea meets sky.

The air is scented, cool, and still.

Above me flocks of seagulls cry;

Behind me sleep soft-focus hills.

 

The waves break gently on the shore.

A yacht sits quiet in the bay.

There is no tumult any more,

Just calm night after restless day.

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