Just a quick update

It’s been quite a challenging few days and I’m still feeling quite vulnerable.

The good: I played in a concert on Saturday. And, barring one missed entry (not just on my part!) it all seemed to go quite well. Although there ended up being a few people there that I knew, which was difficult because it was unexpected. Also, my parents were there – it seemed odd to have them present in the new life I’ve been trying to build down here.

The bad: I tried to kill myself again on Saturday evening (Yes, I am getting help. And have no plans to try again.). Absolutely nothing to do with the concert. Which takes me to…

The confusing: Something happened on Friday that’s made me completely reassess who I can trust; who I can believe; what I may or may not have misinterpreted in the past. This is one of the things I find difficult about autism. I’m socially clueless. And when people tell me things, I tend to believe them. I can’t judge when someone is telling the truth, so I have to either believe everyone or disbelieve everyone. And I am (still!) absolutely distraught about where this takes me.

So I’m now trying to get some sort of a plan together to get me through the next few days. Lots of music. Lots of writing. A couple of trips out so I don’t have to be completely alone.

I’m still hoping that things will get easier at some point; that everything will fall into place. Although I don’t know when that’s likely to happen…


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