Today has not been a particularly good day.
I started out with a long list of things that I had to get done in town. I did the first two: get a bacon sandwich and pick up my prescription from the doctor’s surgery (the bacon sandwich was pure self-bribery to get me out of the flat).
Then it all started to unravel
I needed to be in the surgery longer than I had planned as there was a long queue. Unfortunately, the reception area was an absolute disaster from a sensory perspective: full of noise, smells and distracting visuals.
I’d intended to go back to the car for a short break before doing the rest of my list. But when I checked my phone (I’ve had to start doing that more since my father’s illness), I had a voicemail message from the estate agency.
I did not cope well. Tried to call back, but couldn’t speak to the person who called me.
Couldn’t complete my list. Had to just drive home. Managed to postpone the meltdown until I was indoors at least.
It was the worst meltdown I’ve had for a while.
And I still had to make that phone call, talk to the removal people and make another phone call.
That is… not a good thing for me to be doing after a meltdown. For very many reasons.
But I didn’t have a choice.
I am still overwhelmed and exhausted this evening. I don’t know whether I’m going to be capable of doing anything tomorrow. I tried to rest a bit this afternoon, but the screeching children outside made it impossible (I definitely won’t miss that when I move).
Today, yet again, I’ve pushed myself too far. I know that.
I had no other option.
I don’t want to do this all again tomorrow.
I may have to.