I haven’t sorted out as much as I should have done this weekend.
I don’t know whether I’m ill, or tired, or just overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. But I find myself able to do less and less before I need to rest.
I think one of the problems is that there is just so much to do. I’ve tried to break things down into smaller pieces, but then the sheer number of small tasks becomes overwhelming in its own right.
And I keep getting interrupted. A text message from someone to whom I would rather not speak. The noisy children being noisy – and they’ve now acquired pogo sticks; this is not an improvement.
It didn’t help that I took some (more) things to the charity shop this afternoon. I hadn’t even left the shop when one of the volunteers started laughing about people who bring things in. I don’t know whether I inadvertently violated some kind of social rule or whether they were just being unkind. It made me feel incredibly self-conscious. I thought I was past caring about that kind of thing; it appears that I’m not. Luckily there’s quite a lot of charity shops where I live, so I won’t have to go in that one any more.
Everything just seems unrelenting at the moment. Everything I try to do just seems to cause more stress.
I feel as though I am close to breaking.
But there is nothing I can do other than keep on going.
Something needs to change. I know that. But that’s too difficult to think about at the moment.
I just need to get through the next week or so.
I don’t know how to do that. I don’t know if I have the strength.
I have no choice.